Sometimes I feel like a werewolf because my house is a cage

I have a basement apartment in Northeast DC. Bars on all the windows and cages on all the doors. Well, I have to lock them from the inside. Maybe it’s too much Oz from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I feel a little like him right before a full moon. It also hit me that my house is a cage and I could trap a werewolf in it. Thanks for hanging in there with me and reading this. This is for you:

 

Emmy, bitches!

Buffy.

Survey for Comic Book Artists

Along with art samples I would use the following questions to determine which comic book artists to work with.In each section # 4. is blank. Please give me an additional piece of information about yourself I should have asked.

Style

1. What are your favorite comics?

2. What comics do your currently read now?

3. Who are some of your artistic influences?

4.

 

Skills

1. Please list all your comic books skills? (inker, penclier, colorist, etc.)

2. What do you like to draw most? ( Covers, super-hero, ducks, 50s horror, etc.)

3. Past credits and art samples?

4.

Business

1. What are your pages rates? (How much do you want to make based on page)

2. What is your turn around time?

3. In lieu of payment would you accept a percentage of ownership?

4.

Personal

1. How and where do you work? (Describe your process)

2. Where do you live and hang out?

3. Other than comics what you do?

4.

Writing when I should be doing homework

I have to many things to attend to right now so I decided to take another writing job from Devin Hylton. I can’t say any more about it right now, but it looks really good. Today I’m writing the character outline and I’ve finished my first rough draft of the plot. Now I can start writing the script. I hope to write a tighter script and in less time. I hope to have this finished this week.

After my ASL class ends I plan on reviewing the rest of the porno miracle stash and update more often. Sorry I have neglected you.

I’ll write more soon, but now I’m off to play Call of Duty: Black Ops Nazi Zombies for Xbox 360

Things Hollywood Doesn’t Know – Ninjas

1. Ninjas are Japanese, period.

They should be played by Japanese men. BTW if they are Japanese women they are exactly the same except they are called Kunoichi. Okay that was probably to much, let’s just stick with Japanese people. I’m tired of seeing ninja movies with white guys. It’s like seeing a movie called, English Bobby, and it only features Ninjas! Wait…that would be great.

Wrong: Ninja

Right: Ninja Assassin

 

Ewwww A Serbian Film Review (NSFW)

This is how I felt watching A Serbian Film

I have watched A Serbian Film thanks to my friends at IHeartChaos. Who were kind enough to provide a link to the screener copy. I want to start out by saying how much I love movies. You can visit my Associated Content Page and read my film reviews all of which are 10 out of 10. As long as a film isn’t boring I consider it a success. A Serbian Film was not boring…but let’s talk about what the film was:

Traumatic

Horrible

Painful

Upsetting

Disturbing

Unforgeable

I could go on, but I think you get the idea.  Like the Holocaust A Serbian Film is unforgivable. I cannot stress enough how right IHeartChaos was when they said, “You don’t want to see Serbian Film. You just think you do.”

Was there anything good about the film you ask? Yes, the music was amazing. I’m not joking every scene had amazing music this pounding European Techno that was hand crafted for each scene. Also had haunting Serbian folk songs that in any other film would come off as sweet. The acting was also very good (I’m not counting the awful parts) I was really surprised that everyone except for the villains conveyed real emotion.

I think you’ve noticed by now that I haven’t told you anything about the plot of the film. I could tell you about a down on his luck porn actor who’s trying to escape the business and raise his family only to get pulled back in by a once and a life time offer. The job is mysterious, but the money would set him and his family up for life. I would rather show you in pictures the film I remember(Don’t worry these aren’t the most horrible parts of the film).

Really, go on?

****************************SPOILERS SO WATCH THE FUCK OUT!****************

OK, now stop

Just in case you weren’t clear on that major plot point:

Just had to say it again, huh?

If you decide to actually watch this film, you shouldn’t, but here is a helpful drinking game to make the pain go away. Please use the A Serbian Film Drinking Game. This movie makes Blood Sucking Freaks look like The Lion King. Be warned you cannot un-see A Serbian Film.

P.S. What the hell is wrong with Serbia?

Labor Day Watching Star Trek III The Wrath of Khan

I can’t stop watching Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan I just keep watching it. I don’t even want to tell you how many times this makes. Writing updates:

This Godforsaken Swamp is slowing down to a complete stop and the editor said he’s either going to scrap it or start over at some point, internal problems. It was fun and I’ll try to writing something any chance I get, but I’ll probably just start putting all my reviews on Associated Content. I haven’t heard anything from Devin Hylton in about a month and I assume the art is still being worked on.

I’m still reading The Immortal Ones for John Ferrer. It’s addictive like Heroin. You know it’s bad for you, but then you keep going back. Pretty soon you talk all your friends into trying it. Now you’re all strung out and all you do is either use or talk about using. I’ll have a full review soon.

Meet Local Author John Ferrer

John Ferrer’s The Immortal Ones is a story about D.C. with Twilight flare. I haven’t started readying my copy yet, but I know it’s got vampires, so hey, there’s that. He’s a really cool guy. Real down to Earth and excited about writing. He’s learning by doing and he hopes people like it. We sat in the Baileys Crossroad Panera ,where he wrote most of the Immortal Ones, chatting about the book, writing, and Bruce Lee. It was cool getting to know one another.

I also really want to watch some Bruce Lee. I don’t know why I don’t own any? The Big Boss would be awesome right now.  I’m going to start reading it tomorrow and give updates as I go. I’ll have  a review in two weeks or so. Who knows I might even come up with a drinking game.

Porno Miracle #3 – Insatiable (NSFW)

Marilyn Chambers heats up the screen in Insatiable (buy here). John Holmes also has an appearance he’s playing THE GREATEST PORN STAR EVER.

The Plot: Rich young heiress Sandra Chase (Chambers) is cast as the lead in a movie. She has everything a woman could want, but her dark desires nag at her…bunch of fucking. If you are within ten feet of this woman you have a 90% chance of having sex.

Theatrical Release Date: USA, 1980
Director: Godfrey Daniels (Stu Segall)
Writer: Kiki Young
Cast: Marilyn Chambers, Jessie St. James, Serena, John Leslie, Robert Pennard, David Morris, Richard Pacheco, Mike Ranger, John Holmes
Approximate Running Time: 77 minutes
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1 Full Frame
Rating: XXX

Spoiler: They fuck.

This film is from a time nearly forgotten when porn stars looked like people; the films they started in had characters and plots. The music changed and goes from funky to sweet depending on the mood. Now I’m not against modern porn, duh, but I do feel that the selection is becoming narrow. You have the selection between hardcore nasty or nasty nasty. This movie is charming compared to modern films because the people are clean, healthy, and are completely in to what they’re doing. I keep stopping myself from using words like cute, adorable, and innocent to describe this film because for god sakes it’s XXX porno. Yet, I can’t help thinking Insatiable is just like when you started having sex. It wasn’t the best sex and it didn’t have all the tricks of the stuff you did later in life, but it had to happen. As slowly and honestly as possible until you’re ready. This was a time when couples went to the theater to watch people fuck and then went and had sex in the parking lot. Not like now when it’s creepy guys watching women get drilled by a faceless stunt cock. I actually relate to some of the characters like people do. I care about where the film takes them. I really enjoyed this film.

Funniest Moments: Butler named Charles with an eye patch and shaved head.

Saundra is talking with her agent over a glass of wine after blowing some guy who needed a ride.
Saundra: It feels so good to have great sex.
Agent(After thought): Oh Saundra, you remind me so much of your mother.

Here is a link to the pool table scene.

Movie Drinking Games

My friends and I are always drinking and watching movies. So I’ve started posting them online.

Inception

Swamp Thing

Re-Animator

Miss March

Ip Man

I’m a Swamp Person

I’m a contributer for This God Forsaken Swamp an outlet for those of us in the clusterfuck which is the D.C. Metro Area. I hope you’ll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. My movie reviews will be moving there after my break with Saltshakes.com.

My first contribution is An Open Letter to Marvel Comics.

Let’s see what else am I doing lately? I’m nearly done wrapping up my Silver Docs reviews for Associated Content; where you can find all future 4 Word Movie Reviews. I’m waiting for “A Measure of Wheat for a Penny” to be published by FutureQuake Press in the UK. The art is finished now Chris and I are just waiting for it to go to print.

On the comic book front Ryan Ferruzza is currently sketching Skull Boy our co-created venture about a Skull Boy who keeps encountering bad movie plots. Devin Hylton says that both The Freeze and Lucky are in production with artists attached and I should see them out by winter.

Skull Boy Page 1

Of course as always if you have something you’d like written please contact me directly at efil5zaggin@gmail.com