Four Word Comic Book Review – The Skrull Effect a.k.a Marvels Greatest Reoccurring Blunders

Yep, born to fail.

Yep, born to fail.

We all know the Skrull’s in the Marvel U (Earth-616) as the green skinned alien race that can’t ever seem to get it right. From one blundering failure to the next they continue to attack Earth in a never-ending battle to reach some vague and often worthless goal. You would think that they would just give up, but Marvel in all of their wisdom keeps dragging them back out. Secret Invasion is another adventure with some of the worst characters in the Marvel U. This is the standard reset, everything you read for the last year wasn’t true.

I have four words for Skrull’s:

Doombot’s – For those of you keeping score at home Dr. Doom is the baddest motherfucker in the Marvel U. If you don’t agree with this then you are a fool just like the imbecilic whelp Richards. But often Doom, excuse me, Master doesn’t come off as the undisputed lord of Earth and he often gets defeated or does something out of character…like get defeated. So marvel invented a nice loophole—Doombot’s. When the reset button is needed they hit the Doombot key. Doombot is just Latverian for Skrull.

Clone(s) – Norman Osborn not only made several clones of Spider-Man he lead them on for three years twisting which one was really Peter Parker. SPOILER ALERT – It sucked. I don’t care which one is Peter Parker gimmy some wall crawlin’ and a few funny pages of one-liners. Gone With The Wind is a saga just like the Clone Saga; and frankly Mrs. Scarlet I just don’t give a damn.

Memory-Implant – Wolverine has roughly 4 million memory implants give or take a What If… story and a few lost time lines. Now I’m not a doctor, but I think his bran was just removed and replaced by a memory implant of a brain. I’ve created my own Origin for Logan which starts with 3 or 4 drunk writers who all write different Marvel books and can’t seem to agree on a story. So instead of working on one they used The Skrull Effect making X-23 about as consistent as fruitcake.

Skrulls – I dread these dumb bastards every time a story is going really well, like New Avengers, they pull the Skrull card. This is the reset button; plan B when there just weren’t any other plans. You can try and make it seem cool, but really all that happens is that they pretend to be people and invade. Oh wow the Skrulls are “Secretly Invading?” Huh? Get right out of town! I’d never believe in a million years the shape shifting galactic conquers would pull a stunt like this. You know it’s only going to be a “secret” for about ten seconds until they just run-n-gun attack everything then get their asses kicked. I know there is a writers strike, but I didn’t think it involved comics.

I bet Joe Quesada is a skrull.

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