More Random Crap on my Netflix – Night Junkies “If Vampires were real there would be vampire porn.”

I did not know that was the tagline when I started watching this

I did not know that was the tagline when I started watching this

I watch the crap so you can tell people you read about it. My Netflix mail order and watch it now are always completely full because I will attempt to watch anything. Here is my honest reaction to Night Junkies:

Here is a link for preview purposes if your too broke for Netflix.

There are titties 8 minutes into Night Junkies (2007) and not much else. There was a phone sex dude who might be a vampire? Then a guy with a tattoo that read, “fuck” blew his brains out with his little girl in the next room. Then titties and a very unprofessional lap dance involving nearly no motion at all. It was  like strip club still life.

Vampire who attacks titties at 15 minutes. The attack was as lackluster as the sex they probably would have had otherwise.

This whole thing is one big creepy rape art film. It gets defensive about junkies and how we all really have a problem. Hey movie I’m Eric Jackson and I don’t drink the blood of the living. I drink, I eat junk food, and I party too much but I do not drink the blood of the living. So save your limp preachy monologue voiced over a blurry city scape shot with this stupid  1996 Sci-Fi channel quality camera.

“For some reason I am allergic to sunlight.” Says guy who’s name I forgot. There is no such thing, if you get crispy in sunlight you’re a Dracula.

I have no idea what’s going on and I swear to you I’ve been paying attention. I think this vampire is about to be farted on by some poncy gangster. I have started drinking again we are 40 minutes in with 52 to go. There is an awful lot of violence against women. I mean even a lot for a movie with gangsters, strip clubs, and vampires.

The volume on this thing is terrible. One minute it’s whispers the next it’s screaming sound effects from nothing. Everyone is British save for the lead actor who sounds like he’s faking something, but I can’t place what.

Yep here’s a scene where they are trying to “kick” being a vampire. Junkie locked in a room style. REALLY!? WTF! Then as soon as she leaves the house she’s assaulted by perverts the only other people on the street at night. Fuck the UK because it’s simply empty past 10 and that’s when all the freaks take to the streets assaulting the foolish.

Hahahaha, all the make outs in this movie are gross and the guys are totally into them as the women all hold their breath.

Finally the vampires are breaking necks and crippling people. So this one guy I’m guessing is a vampire made out with a woman and then punched her in the face until she was dead. Ew then he walks away and reappears to lick the blood up. This movie is fucking stupid.

21 minutes left and I quit. Blood came out of everyones mouth and then there was a dance scene.

My final thought is this: If vampires, bigfoot, or fucking space men there would be porn of it. Hard core fuck tapes because there is porn of everything else. So until I see Vampire Double Dee’s # 12 there are no vampires.

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